Thursday, December 30, 2004
I've been watching the news and reading of the tsunamis in South East Asia. I have such a desire to go and help. If I could get someone to pay my ticket and if I was able to hook up with some organization, I would leave this instant and wouldn't even say goodbye. My EMT work here could wait. We have it too good here.
Saturday, December 18, 2004
I look up at the man that I want to be and see how far I have to go. It's so far.
I finally finished my EMT class yesterday. I'm so happy to be done with that final. Now I can study for the National Exam in January.
I want 2004 to end. It's been a hard on me. Espeacially the last 7 months.
I also need a vacation. Need to get away from here for a little bit.
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Today I've been looking back at the past six months and realizing how much shit I've been through. I haven't been happy in a long time. I want to be happy. I want to be at a point in life where I can say, "Wow, life is great." It's been awhile. And I don't know if that time will come soon. It seems that everything is slipping through my fingers. I know that everyone has gone through these times, I myself have been through them before, but at this time, I've never felt so alone. So helpless. I hope that I'm suppose to feel this helplessness. It maybe this weakness that helps me through this time.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Well, you're my friend
And can you see
Many times we've been out drinking
Many times we've shared our thoughts
Did you ever, ever notice, the kind of thoughts I got
Well you know I have a love, for everyone I know
And you know I have a drive, for life I won't let go
But sometimes this opposition, comes rising up in me
This terrible imposition, comes blacking through my mind
And then I see a darkness
Oh no, I see a darkness
Do you know how much I love you
Cause I'm hoping some day soon
You'll save me from this darkness
Well I hope that someday soon
We'll find peace in our lives
Together or apart
Alone or with our wives
And we can stop our whoring
And draw the smiles inside
And light it up forever
And never go to sleep
My best unbeaten brother
That isn't all I see
And then I see a darkness
Oh no, I see a darkness
Do you know how much I love you
Cause I'm hoping some day soon
You'll save me from this darkness
It feels that my blood now circulates backwards. Poison is in my veins. I would do anything to feel something different.
Let the Water flow over me.
And maybe someday I can stand on solid ground again.