I don't think I want to post anything on here for awhile. I'm trying to do some writing on my own but I don't think this is the best place to do it. At least with personal stuff. Sometimes I feel like I'm too open with people.

I'm doing better. Patience is the key. That and prayer. Work is boring right now. Nothing to do. Office jobs suck. I need to get out. I want to travel right now. Asia sounds good. Africa too. Maybe I'll try the peace core. Anything to get out of here.

I just wrote this huge post but for some reason my computer froze. I hate that. And now I don't feel motivated to write anymore. There is this heaviness I feel in my home today. I don't like it. I'm still sad, but I feel purpose in my sadness. Purpose in my pain.

I feel wronged. I know I did everything that I could have possibly done in my relationship with Kristin to make things work. To show her how much I love her and care for her. I wonder if I was in her situation and she was in mine would she would do the same as I did for her? Was I fooled? Was I blind to what was really going on? Was I taken advantage of? And what do I do now? Do I continue to love her as before? Should I wait? There is a battle in me fighting for what would be right and good and for what God wants me to do. She said that God revealed to her that we are not suppose to be together. Why didn't He tell me this? In fact, I felt God told me the exact opposite. I cannot reconcile this in my head or my heart.

So do I protect my heart or risk it being tortured some more? I've been told a lot of different things and I don't know who to believe. I almost wish that she cheated on me or found someone else or any number of other reasons that could have happened. At least I could deal with that.

She still has my heart. And I don't want it back.

I woke up this morning at 7:30 after getting only 3 hours of sleep. My soul won't let me rest anymore than this. I can't do anything right now but write.

Pain

My girlfriend just broke up with me. I'm hurting. God only knows what's next. I can only lean on Him.

New Look

Blogger just updated their service and I like it. It's nice and black in here now. The only problem I have now is trying to put comments back on. I'm not too html savvy so if you have and answer email me at mikesycz@gmail.com.

How It Started

When I was 7 or 8 years old, I loved to throw a racket ball against our chimney outside and play catch with myself. I spent hours at a time doing this. Using a glove I've had for about 4 years at that point, I worked on my hand-eye coordination to prepare for little league. One day I was playing just as i have been many days before and threw it in such a way that i bounced that racket ball into the alley right behind our house. Now, i have done this many times before hand but this day was different. i went to retrieve the ball and noticed at black audio tape right against the wall of the karate studio that was the other side of the alley. I venture over 20 feet out of my way and pick up this tape that is says, " The Who - Who's Last".

wow. I haven't posted in a long time.

I have been pretty busy at work yet there have been plenty of times to write. It's just hard to start writing when you have not done it in awhile. I've been reading a lot about Satchel Paige lately. Someone needs to make a movie about him. This Saturday will be six months since I started dating Kristin. In hindsight, comparing these last six months to the one's previous, is like comparing night and day. I can't believe how lucky I am.