It has been a long and stressful week filled with sleeplessness, fatigue and some more emotional agnst. But I'm not complaining. This is all part of the human experience called life. And as Job says, whom am I only to praise God only during the good times but through times of inequity as well. (MSJV)

I'm emotionally racked from the concern of others(ok only one "other") and it kills me that I can do nothing else but fight from my knees. My complex has made me someone who wants to help and save people yet I'm learning one the hardest lessons of life right now which is being helpless. It's easy for some people to just look the other way or put themselves in such a position in which they see themselves above the fray of life that others are going through. Though I consider these people assholes. I want to see myself as equal to others and if capable, help them. Though I know this can turn into a problem later on. I can see the danger of myself turning into Holden Caulfield from the Cather in the Rye. Or like everyone else in my profession of the civil servent/adrenaline junkies, being able to help everyone else yet not being able to help themselves. I don't want to become a burnout. Maybe I should seek counseling, when I have the money. Or through my church.

Though I must say, that going to my clinicals is the only part of my life that I'm excited about right now. I enjoy myself so much there. Amongst the blood, the cries of pain, and the looks of despair, I see the hope in all these individuals. The line between death and life is very thin there and I like being a soldier on that frontline.