When I use to box, I remember the feeling of being absolutly out of energy right before the last round. I would feel all the wounds on my body start to swell up and the distinct taste of blood in my mouth. I would feel legs starting to give way and my hands became so heavy that I could barely lift them up. And then my trainer would say the exact same thing to me in every bout. "Hey Mikey, how good does it feel right now. How good does it feel to be a boxer?" And those words always made me smile. It made me smile because I was fighting. I was broken, I had nothing in me, yet I was still going.

At this point in my life, I'm out of energy and all I want to do is give up. But why stop fighting? Why give up? Emotion aside, I can't stop. As much pain as I feel right now, it makes me smile that when I look at the my past, I'm still fighting. I don't really understand it, but here I am trying to get up for the next round. I can't do anything about the previous rounds I fought. I can't change it. I can't suddenly make the pain go away, in fact I kind of like it. All I can do is stand up and try to knock that son-of-a-bitch out because I know I have more fight than him.

Depression has tried me out. It has taken my will. But now I want it back. While Faith, Hope and Love are watching from my corner knowing the tide is finally turning again.

As the pain is still real, the want is still there, but the fight is just beginning. I can't stay in my corner because I am meant to fight. Life does not get easier. But it may get better. And that is worth fighting for. Love may hurt more than anything in this world, yet it is worth more than anything in this world.

But right now, I'm not fighting for Love, I've already won that battle. My battle, my fight, is with myself. And I need to win because there are things for me to do that have been planned long ago. I cannot lose.

Amor animi arbitrio sumitur, non ponitur