Nothing Like Being Told How Terrible You Are.

I'm at an emotional crossroads. On one side I have the feeling knowing my own depravity and being remorseful for the person that I am. And on the other side I have the feeling complete anger because of being told of how immature I am and completely devoid of any common sense regarding communication.

I can say that I am absolutely inept when it comes to intrapersonal relationships with women. I can say that you can put me in a situation of dire consequence with lives on the line and I will hold my own. I've delivered 5 babies, I've relocated 3 dislocated hips, I've treated bloody genital wounds, I've treated burn victims, I've held eviscerated organs in my hands after traffic accidents, I've been stuck with a needle that was just in a patient with HIV, etc. Hell, I've even been shot at twice. Now, why the hell can't I communicate my true feelings in regards to a woman? Whether they be good or bad. Maybe I'm just a complete asshole.

Fuck me.

I'm done with dating. I'm done with going out on dates, flirting, having any kind desire to start a family with any woman. I'm a bachelor for life. I'm done with dealing the bullshit of relationships. I'm no good for them.

Fuck.

All I want is to start a family. To love a girl, have a couple kids, and serve God.

I'm listening to Elvis Costello right now. Of course.