I have to do everything alone. By myself. With no help from anyone. It may be something in my genetic code or the rugged individualism that is the fabric of our American culture. Or it'’s just pride. This idea that I am my own island.

I heard someone say this morning that he'’d wish that God would stop teaching him but just tell him. I agree. Though I'’m the guy who can be told to not touch the fire, read up on how fire can hurt, see a video of the ill effects of fire, but will not learn till I myself have been burned.

I say with my mouth that I trust God, that I need Him, but I seldom live it out. I'’m amazed how others, especially biblical figures could leave everything they had, not just material goods but their own mental reserve to follow. I always think of two people in scripture that amaze me because of their trust.

First is David. I don'’t understand how he went down to a battlefield where he had Goliath waiting for him, with only a slingshot and a few stones and some of the best trash talking history has ever heard. And David didn't just fling stones from afar but, as I Samuel 17:48 says David ran to meet the Philistine at the battle line and killed him with one shot. And David was just a boy.

The other man who'’s faith and trust amaze me is Peter. And for one act alone. He walked on water. Though he did end up neck deep a few seconds later, Peter is the only guy other than God to do this.

I wonder how many times I must be broken. Though I understand why. Because He wants me closer. And I want to be closer. Sometimes I forget that as many things in life, something must be broken, pruned, cut, carved, sanded, refined, etc, before it is made right.

By the way I'’m not complaining about this. I understand. Maybe God just likes to show me things when I'’m in the low places. The places where I finally let go of everything and into His hands.